Equality

[I originally published this essay on February 15, 2013, one month after the start of President Obama’s second term.]

Let’s say that in Ohio there is a large military base built by an empire living on borrowed money and borrowed time. Let’s make it Chinese. Thousands of Chinese troops constantly patrol the streets of Columbus in military vehicles, under the guise of “keeping the Ohio People safe” and protecting China’s so-called “strategic interests.”

Chinese troops operate outside our law. They claim our constitution does not apply to them. Their frequent “mistakes” and propensity to bombastically act on so-called “bad information,” leads to the death of countless innocent residents of Ohio, including — without repercussion — women and children.

From Portland, Maine to Portland, Oregon, a squadron of Chinese flying robots searches for targets. In what analysts dub “more bad news for dairy farmers,” it is revealed that Chinese robotic sensors can detect a milk carton from 12,000 feet in the air.

Got milk? Drink up!

The Chinese erect military checkpoints on county borders throughout Ohio, routinely searching and ransacking entire neighborhoods. Residents fear the Chinese troops and overwhelmingly believe their state would be better off if the occupiers would return to China.

But they refuse to leave.

Some residents are so angry about Chinese military presence in Ohio, that they band together and fight back. They do this because U.S. Officialdom claims it does not have the resources to defend Ohioans against our Chinese “partners” and Amish Haircutters.

Chinese authorities brand the resistors as “Terrorists” and “Insurgents.” Troops are ordered to hunt, capture, torture and kill; not necessarily in that order. At the United Nations, Chinese officials contend that “if everyone will just be patient,” the day will come when “enough” resistors have been killed that they will no longer “threaten our troops.”

“After all,” they query, “who doesn’t want peace?”

But instead, for every resistor killed, ten more take up arms against the Chinese, resulting in perpetual bloodshed and permanent war.

Then again, we are talking about jobs.

And, yet, a majority of Chinese subjects want their troops out of Ohio. They fear Anti-China sentiments will drive U.S. companies away from China’s factories, leaving them with warehouses full of Mardi Gras Beads.

With the political support of women, a charismatic new Chinese leader — a family man — rises to power, and — wouldn’t you know — he just happens to have two lovely daughters. In fact, he mentions them often, most especially when vowing to end the foregoing atrocities.

The new leader promises immediate change and once in office he delivers by immediately changing his mind.

Instead of ending the bloodshed as promised, the new leader authorizes the military to recruit Chinese women and deploy them to Ohio, for the singular purpose of joining their male counterparts in the permanent and systematic searching, ransacking, capturing, torturing, and killing of innocent Ohio residents and the handful of brave resistors defending their soil and sovereignty with pitchforks, torches and ropes.

The new leader watches as Chinese women — with the conspicuous exception of his own beloved — line up around the block, eager to seize the unprecedented “opportunity” to prove for all time that they are “just as ‘good’ as men.”

The women fall in, they salute, and like the men, having surrendered their voices, they question nothing.

“This is equality!” the new leader declares. “This is what victory looks like!”

And the party faithful cheer.

Author

mark@markwhitney.com